For immediate support, you can jump to the resources by clicking on the topics here:
Immediate Crisis, Sexual Abuse, Childhood Abuse, Domestic Violence, Mental Health, Depression and Suicide

I am really glad you’ve found your way here.

Whether that’s because you’ve read one of my books and found it difficult to leave the pages even after the last word or because you’ve stumbled across a blog full of sensitive material or you happened to be at an event where you heard me speak and curiosity tugged you closer, I am glad you’re here. You’ve likely seen it written on other pages by now, or heard me say it, but your story matters. We all have one.

I am many things.

First, I am a mother. My heart beats because of them and my world revolves around them. Their names are Breathe and Alight: breathe because breath means life and to breathe means to actively sustain life; the verb form of alight means to descend, to light; the adjective form means to illuminate or set on fire. Alight was an answer to a direct prayer; she alighted onto my life as a gift from God but it was the adjective form that bought her the name. She illuminates my life. Together, they mean illuminated life then. They are exactly that for me.

I’m also a writer, an advocate, a revenue management leader.

And I am a survivor of rape. From the age of five, I’ve understood on an intimate level what it means to be held down and forced to do things you don’t want to do. The lessons survivors learn – don’t trust people, the system won’t help you, your body isn’t safe – I learned too. And I’ve spent half my life digging through the rubble, keeping the diamonds and turning ashes into dandelions through storytelling. I spend my nights researching the absolute worst in humanity just so I can find reasons to keep stumbling in the dark, hands outstretched, feeling my way through the world until I see it: light.

It was my first speaking engagement in front of a crowd of people. I stood in a classroom at a college in Memphis that was full of students and it was being recorded and I knew there were many more watching. I had spent countless hours writing, rewriting, timing and agonizing over every word in this speech. I worried they might mock me. I worried they might not believe me. I worried they might blame me. I feared that I might receive a reaction that would confirm every awful thing I had been taught to believe.

Then I got to the word.

That moment in the speech – it was early, quick after the introduction – where I was supposed to say it. Say what happened. I was only a few years past initial disclosure and most of my talking had been through the written word. The word rape terrified me. Worse, it made liquid shame run through my whole body. Instead, I was more comfortable saying, I was hurt. Hurt was my euphemism; it was my protection. But as I stood looking at the crowd of college students staring back at me, something made me stop.

If I said hurt, someone in that audience was going to be confused. Hurt how? Molested? Beaten? Verbally abused? Betrayed? There were as many ways to misunderstand that word as there were students in the room. Even worse, I’d had the training. I knew the statistics. In that room, there were dozens of survivors and each of them were likely in different stages: some of them could be in an actively abusive situation, some might have just disclosed to someone, someone might be pressing Congress for a new bill. My whole purpose in giving the speech was not to sell a single book. It was not to grow readership. It was to tell a survivor that someone else got it. I wanted a survivor to recognize her or himself in me. The only way that could happen is I said the word.

So I did.

Out loud.

In front of a hundred or more people.

My body immediately responded: my face heated with shame, my head dropped to avoid seeing reactions, I stumbled over the rest of the sentence, the world blurred behind unshed tears. Anyone watching immediately knew I wasn’t a healed anything; I was ashamed and saying it anyway.

No one was unkind.

In fact, someone approached me afterward and told me she heard me.

I went home and brutally attacked that word rape by researching the full history. I didn’t just google it, I spent hours researching its history. And one definition stopped me in my tracks. Rape originally meant to seize, to take by force. The word that got me was “seize.” Because something was missing, something was taken. I felt it in my bones. I missed and ached for the little girl, the innocence that I barely remembered. What happened did seize something. When I applied that definition instead of thinking about it as a physical act, I could say it.

The word “hero” comes from ancient Greek where it meant protector and has evolved to mean someone with exceptional courage. The word brave originally implied a sense of wildness. So, the phrase brave hero means someone who wildly protects someone or something. Protect didn’t originally mean save. It simply meant to shield. A shield can be anything that keeps something harmful at a safer distance.

One of the most powerful shields against the lies of abuse, against the fear, against nightmares, against hopelessness, against all the tender things trauma attacks us with is conversation. When we invite someone to hold space for us so that we can share how we are feeling and what we are thinking, we shield our minds and hearts from more pain. We don’t have to say anything we don’t want to say. We don’t have to share details we don’t want to. Sometimes the shield is simply sitting beside someone without having to pretend we’re okay.

It is the wildest, bravest act of protecting the part of you who needs someone.

The hero in this room is you.

Below is a list of resources — phone numbers, websites and places to begin — that are safe. They are lanterns flickering for you. If you’d like to know a bit more about what it might be like to reach out, I am a trained hotline specialist. You can read about what you might expect here. Whenever you are ready, these places are here for you.

You do not have to know exactly what kind of help you need before reaching for it. Some of these organizations provide immediate, confidential support; others offer education, peer connection, longer-term resources, or help finding services near you. You are allowed to begin with the one that feels most possible.

And — if what you need is help in sharing, this disclosure guide is yours. Free to download, print, and make yours.

Disclosure Outline (Bound Documents)

Immediate help

If you are in immediate physical danger, call 911.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline


Free, confidential support is available throughout the United States and its territories by calling or texting 988, or through online chat. A person does not have to be actively suicidal to contact 988; counselors also support people experiencing emotional distress, depression, loneliness, substance-use concerns, relationship crises, and other difficult moments. Spanish-language and Deaf or hard-of-hearing options are available.

Sexual assault and sexual abuse

RAINN

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network

RAINN provides free, confidential, 24-hour support for people affected by sexual violence, whether the abuse happened recently or many years ago. Trained specialists can offer emotional support, information, and referrals to local services.

Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
Text: HOPE to 64673
Online chat: Available through RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline.
email: info@rainn.org or victimsupport@rainn.org
website: http://www.rainn.org

1in6

Support for men who have experienced sexual abuse or assault

1in6 offers information, survivor resources, and confidential online support for men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. It also provides guidance for partners, family members, friends, and professionals supporting male survivors.

Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673), through RAINN
Anonymous online support: http://www.1in6.org – free, anonymous, text-based groups facilitated by a counselor; no audio or visual required

Saprea

Resources for adult women who experienced childhood sexual abuse

Saprea offers free, clinically informed resources for adult female survivors of childhood sexual abuse, including online educational materials, survivor-led support groups, healing webinars, and a four-day retreat program.

website: https://saprea.org
Email: questions@saprea.org
Important: Saprea is not a crisis hotline. For immediate sexual-assault support, use RAINN.

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse

Peer support for adults who experienced childhood abuse or neglect

ASCA is an international self-help support program specifically created for adults who experienced childhood physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect. It offers online and in-person meetings, educational materials, and a free Survivor to Thriver manual and workbook.

ASCA is a peer-support and educational program, not a crisis or abuse-reporting service.

Email: info@ascasupport.org
Phone: 415-937-1854
Support Offered: online and in-person meetings, survivor resources
Important: ASCA does not provide crisis counseling or child-abuse reporting services.

Childhelp

Childhelp operates a national hotline for questions and concerns involving child abuse and neglect. Counselors are available by call, text, or chat around the clock and can help current victims, concerned adults, families, and survivors locate appropriate resources.

Website: http://www.childhelp.org
Call or text: 800-4-A-CHILD, or 800-422-4453
Available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.

Domestic violence and relationship abuse

National Domestic Violence Hotline

The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides free, confidential, 24-hour support, safety planning, information, and referrals for people experiencing domestic or intimate-partner abuse. Advocates can also support friends and family members who are concerned about someone they love.

Website: http://www.thehotline.org
Phone: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
Online chat: Available through The Hotline.
Live chat: available through the hotline website 24/7

Internet activity can be monitored and may not be possible to erase completely. When searching for help could increase danger, consider using a safer device or calling the hotline instead.

Mental health support

NAMI

National Alliance on Mental Illness

NAMI provides mental-health education, peer and family programs, local affiliates, support groups, and help locating relevant resources. Its HelpLine can assist people living with mental-health conditions as well as family members and caregivers.

Website: http://www.nami.org
Phone: 800-950-NAMI (6264)
Text: NAMI to 62640
Hours: Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Eastern.

The NAMI HelpLine is an information and support service, not a crisis or suicide hotline. For immediate crisis support, contact 988.

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, DBSA

DBSA provides peer-led support groups, education, wellness tools, and resources for people living with depression or bipolar disorder, as well as their families and caregivers. Both online and local in-person groups are available. DBSA is not a crisis line.

Website: https://www.dbsalliance.org/
Phone: (not a crisis line; general info. For crisis, use 988): 312-642-0049
Support offered: online and local groups through DBSA’s support group directory

Depression, suicidal thoughts, and crisis support

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Call or text 988 at any hour for free, confidential, judgment-free support. People may contact 988 for suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, depression, loneliness, trauma, substance use, relationship difficulties, or simply because they need another person to stay with them through a difficult moment.

Call: 988
Text: Any message to 988
Online chat: Available through the 988 Lifeline website
Availability: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Spanish by phone: Call 988 and press 2
Spanish by text: Text AYUDA to 988
Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988 and press 1, or text 838255
TTY: Use a preferred relay service or dial 711, then 988
Immediate physical danger: Call 911

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, AFSP

AFSP offers education about suicide prevention, guidance for helping someone who may be struggling, resources for people affected by suicide loss, support after a suicide attempt, local chapters, and information for finding mental-health care. AFSP is a prevention and education organization rather than a crisis hotline.

Website: http://www.afsp.org
General phone: 888-333-AFSP (2377)
Email: development@afsp.org
Media email: pr@afsp.org
Mailing address: 199 Water Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10038
Important: AFSP is an education and prevention organization, not a crisis hotline. For immediate support, call or text 988.

This page is offered as a starting place, not as medical care, therapy, legal advice, or emergency intervention. Availability and services may change, and inclusion here does not mean every resource will be right for every person. In immediate danger, call 911. For emotional distress or thoughts of suicide, call or text 988.